Snoop Sisters/Snack Bandit

Let me introduce myself. I am Marian Snoop. That's right, one of the infamous Snoop Sisters. My sister Sharon got me into this gig after she found it hard to keep up her workload investigating wayward spouses for friends of hers. I guess she either ran out of friends or her friends' wayward spouses got a clue and started behaving themselves.

Sharon was beginning to get some pretty high profile cases like the Million Dollar Coat Caper, the Nevada Gold Recovery and The Philadelphia Numbers Racket. She brought my sisters and me into her agency and we have all made a pretty comfortable living off the rewards we have earned along the way. Of course, I do have a brother who is involved in our investigations, but that is mainly because he is scared to death of Sharon and is willing to get dirty and climb into cramped spaces if we don't want to get our clothes and hands dirty. Add that to the fact that he has a pretty neat Jeep to get us to all our off road destinations, and it gets pretty hard to leave him out of the loop. Sharon and I neither one would choose to dirty her '65 GTO and my cherry red 1962 Corvair Monza Convertible by taking them off road!

Ah, but I digress. I tend to have a mind that wanders a bit so bear with me. Let me tell you about this interesting case we have going on.

I got a call on my phone a few days ago, as most of the calls I do get are on my phone. I never answer the darn thing mainly because I do not want to buy new storm windows and accidental death insurance. Why would I want to buy accidental death insurance so someone can spend the money I paid good money to pay for? Anyway, I can't say no to telemarketers, so I just don't answer the phone. On with the case....

I finally got up the nerve to listen to my phone messages. They have a pretty nice little feature where you can press seven a couple of times and it deletes the message. That way I don't have to listen to them trying to sell me things. But there was one call on there that got my attention. Someone wanted to hire the Snoop Sisters to identify and capture the Snack Bandit. I had heard of this character so I thought it would be worth a call to Sharon and run it by her. So I dialed up her number and left a message for her to return my call. She doesn't answer her phone either. It is not that she is an easy mark for telemarketers, but she nearly got jailed for the threats she had made to one for continually trying to sell her wrinkle cream.

Sharon got my message and put in a call to Jimmy. He answers his phone because he doesn't have many people to talk to and any call is a good one in his book. Besides, he heard there were some real foxy lookin' chicks working in the telemarketing field. She told him to hop in his jeep and head on up to Marian's porch, we may have a case.

"I still have plenty of money from the last case!" JImmy whined.
"It's not about the money, Raisin Nuts, it is the thrill of the hunt!" replied Sharon.

He could never say no to Sharon, I couldn't either. She has a way of convincing people to do as she says. I have the stab marks from the scissors in the forehead to prove it! JImmy was on his way in the trusty Jeep and I propped up my combat boot clad feet on the front porch rail to await his arrival.



Sharon, Jimmy and I all huddled on the front porch and discussed the case we had pending. Seems like Telly Sun, the mayor of a small town a little ways from here was having a problem with his food disappearing. Sharon suggested we involve him in a conference call so we can all hear first hand what we were up against.

"You all no doubt have heard about the Snack Bandit that has been terroizing the surrounding communities." volunteered Telly about his problem.

"And you think he has been infiltrating YOUR house, Mr. Sun." deduced Sharon.

"Well" Hem hawed Telly "That doesn't seem to be the case where I am concerned"

"Do Tell!" I said as I sat forward and listened with interest.

"I think I have a ghost...." Telly trailed off as if he were embarrassed by his own words.

"Then you've come to the wrong people!" snapped Jimmy

"Shut your pie hole, Pencil Dick!" Sharon shot back at Jimmy with the look that she uses to exert her authority. "Go on, Mr. Sun, just what do you mean by ghost?"

"You know, a unearthly being, an idiot in a white sheet, Patrick Swayze!" Telly explained, definitely irritated.

He went on to explain that someone was getting into his food at night and making it disappear. Duh, I thought, it doesn't take a ghost to make food disappear, I do it every day and have the pounds to prove it. But when he explained that he has locked all his doors, installed a security system, bought a watch dog and set booby traps and still woke up every morning to missing morsels we knew we just had to hear more.


We were all aware that there was a real burglar lurking in this community who was not only stealing people's belongings, but taking time to sit down for a snack before he left. But that was the rub on the Telly Sun case. He has been waking up every morning to a seriously violated refrigerator, there were no valuables missing, and no signs of forced entry.

"We'll take the case, Mr. Sun!" said Sharon confidently "Rest assured we will get to the bottom of this."

"I am truly appreciative of your help, Ms. Snoop." replied Telly "A man has the right to expect his food to be there when he wakes up in the morning."

The conference call completed, we began to plan our strategy. "Marian, you get down to the police station and get a copy of all the reports concerning the Snack Bandit. Jimmy, you take your jeep back to my place and pick up the box marked "surveillance" in my front hall closet." ordered Sharon

"Damn, why can't I go get the box, send Bagel Butt to the police station! I get paranoid when I see men with guns!" I whined.

"That won't work, Marian, Jimmy has issues with the police chief Sid Samuels over a church bell incident a few years ago." Sharon explained

"Oh, I forgot about that, yes, I'd better go get the reports." I relented.

So we all took off to do Sharon's bidding and left her to investigate the best place to set up our surveillance in Telly's apartment.


Sharon had scoped out the place and decided the first night we will just sit on it outside. She would take the front across from Hinton's Funeral Home, I would set up in the alley next to the Shook's drug store, and JT will be watching the back entrance and other side entrance kitty corner near the Tilman house. There must be a way this food bandit is getting into Telly's fridge every night. Our best guess is that he is some sort of electronic genius to be able to circumvent the alarm system. If he is getting in that house from the outside, we are going to see him. If we don't see him...well, maybe Telly is right, he has a hungry ghost.

Nightfall disappeared and daybreak took over. The food bandit evidently has gotten his fill of Telly's cuisine because no one got past us last night. We all stretched and figured we would put in another couple of nights of outside surveillance when Telly Sun rushed out the front door, robe flying open as he ran...

"I just can't believe it!!!!!" he yelled What did you all DO last night? Sleep like babies? I had my mouth all ready for a hot fudge sundae and the fridge is again down to bare NOTHING!"

I looked at Sharon "Hot fudge sundae for breakfast?"
Sharon glanced back "He must have gotten his sugar rush somewhere, maybe he walks in his sleep."

After Sharon calmed the mayor down and JT went to get him some donuts and coffee so we were able to talk to him sensibly. I know I didn't sleep. JT swears he was awake all night, and Sharon, well let's just say she has always been the one who wanders around at night like Dracula's secret girlfriend, night time is the right time for her. If we didn't see anyone break in, either Telly IS doing some sleepwalking or there is a ghost who craves cookies. Now on to plan B. Tonight we will set up on the inside of the house and one of us will watch Telly to make sure he is not the one eating himself out of house and home. We'll need some more bodies to cover all the entrances it is time to call in Kim and Shelly.

I made the first phone call to Kim "Hey, Sister Snoop, we'll need you over here tonight."
"Over where?" questioned Kim with a sleepy yawn
"We're on a case...we will need you and Shelly on a stakeout, we are trying to catch the Snack Bandit."
"The last case about that coat was too long." she whined I think I will sit this one out and just chill with Rick and Road Dog."
"Kim, you better get your butt in gear and get over to my porch for a briefing, NOW!" I ordered with the best voice of authority I could muster.
"Don't think so, PeePot, catch ya later!" she taunted me.
"She won't come..." I began to explain to Sharon when Sharon snatched the phone right out of my hand and directed her attention to Kim on the other end "KK, get your butt over to Marian's porch, there could be someone who needs roughing up on this case!"
"Well why didn't you say so! I will be there in a blink and a wink!" Promised Kim.

Geez, I guess it takes some good old fashioned ass whoopin' to get Kim off her duff. Shelly agreed to come right away and we all headed over to my porch to reconnoiter.




We got our heads together on my porch and started going through the police reports I got from Sid Samuels. We all noticed that the Snack Bandit's MO was not meshing with what was happening at Mayor Sun's place. In all the reports we had about the Snack Bandit, the main focus was definitely to steal items easily fenced and pawned along with money and credit cards. The snacking seemed to come as an afterthought and he only ate a small amount of food. Never once did he ever clean out the refrigerator like the nightly raid on Telly Sun's kitchen. Something just isn't right here.
"Well, we are already committed to another night of surveillance on the inside this time. Let's just proceed as planned and catch that thief in the act." Suggested Sharon
"Yeah, there is nothing worse than waking up with a taste for bacon and eggs in your mouth and finding the makings have flown the coop!" I added.
JT concluded that it was his opinion that Telly is eating his way through his dreams and forgetting he is full when he wakes up. Shelly and KK nodded in agreement and we all headed back over to Telly's place to set up for the night.
Telly's kitchen was located in the center of his downstairs apartment with no windows to guard so we all stationed ourselves in the rooms surrounding the kitchen. JT was assigned to Telly's bedroom since he is the only guy member of the Snoop Sister Investigative Agency. I took the living room where there were two bay windows looking out onto the porch and another window looking out into the alley, then of course there was the front door, double bolted from the inside. Sharon took the adjoining dining room to watch the two bay windows that also looked out onto the front porch and a set of windows that looked out onto Telly's driveway where his car and the Van Scooter boy's cars were parked. The Van Scooter boys, Denny and Larry, were renting Telly's upstairs apartment and had a separate entrance at the top of an outside staircase. Shelly would be camping out in Telly's den which was off the kitchen on the east side of the house. There was only one window to worry about there. Kim stationed herself on the enclosed back porch because she figured if anyone was going to come in, it would be through there, and she was ALWAYS ready to throw down and fight. The kitchen itself was on the west side of the house and had no entrance or windows. Where there had once been windows it was walled up and on the outside was the stairs that led to the Van Scooter brothers apartment. We were all set. Let the night begin.


The night was fairly quiet with the exception of Telly's watch dog Dyno traipsing into the kitchen a couple of times. His food and water were out there so we didn't pay any attention to his trips in there. He never barked at anything, so as far as we were concerned as long as our posts were covered and no one came in through the windows or doors, perhaps the Snack Bandit had moved on to other refrigerators in town. Along came daybreak and all was still quiet except for the screaming and ranting of Telly. "Are you all inept? How can all of you sleep through someone coming in and stealing a whole ham and three packages of Kraft Singles?"
I was shocked! Again, I knew I hadn't slept and my fellow Snoops denied that they had even blinked. How on earth had this bandit circumvented our stake out and taken food right out from under our noses? Why didn't the dog bark? Is it really a ghost? Don't dogs bark at ghosts? How would a ghost keep down a mortal ham, wouldn't it fall right through him? Back to the drawing board.
We all gathered at Telly's picnic table in the back yard and began brainstorming.
"Got any ideas?" asked Sharon "Anybody?!"
We all just looked at each other with blank stares. This is not what you would call a major case. Maybe we should all just throw our hands up and walk away. But alas, The Snoop Sisters and their brother never walk away from a case and leave it unsolved. We sat there mulling over our dilemma when Denny Van Scooter appeared in the yard and began playing with Dyno. "What Sup?" he asked us.
"Nothing that concerns you!" snapped Kim
Sharon shot her the look and replied to Denny "Just, chillin' man!"
We continued to talk quietly about the case as I watched Denny romp with Dyno. It brought me to think that whoever is getting into the house is someone Dyno knows, that is why he doesn't bark. We have ruled out Telly's sleepwalking, so now where do we go? I offered up my theory with the other Snoops and they seemed to show some interest. Brainy Shelly agreed and that meant we must be onto something. Next thing we needed to do was get a list of people who have been welcomed into the Telly Sun home and knows the dog.
Just then we heard the familiar sound of a '57 Ford Fairlane with glass packs. Sure enough, there goes Mamma bright and early heading for the shopping district.
"Mama must have come into some cash, she is heading for town." deduced Sharon.
"I wonder where she got it, I know she spent her share of the last case before we left Florida." mulled Shelly
"As long as she is heading in the opposite direction of where I am standing, I don't give a Boulder Dam!" snorted Jimmy who has had continuing bad luck when Mamma enters the picture.
"Well I can't stand the mystery, I have got to find out!" I told them "It could be MY money she is spending! You guys work out our next move in this case, I am going to talk to Mamma and see what she is up to."

I caught up to Mamma while Sharon and the rest of the gang went through the Snoop Box to gather some video equiptment to set up for the night. Perhaps we should have done this the first night and saved ourselves some sleep but contrary to popular belief, we do sometimes either over think a case or under think it. This time we figured it to be a slam dunk and obviously it is not. Sharon does NOT like for anything to get the best of us and she will sink her teeth in to this one until someone is paying the price for these late night fridge raiding sessions.
Mamma was headed straight for the shopping district so there was no reason for me to get any speeding tickets. It will be a cinch to find her wherever that decked out '57 Ford is parked. When I arrived in town her car was parked right in front of the local pawn shop. "Don't tell me she is down to pawning the family silver again" I thought to myself "It is all we have left as any kind of family heirloom. As insignificant as that seems, every family needs something to say that they remembered it as a kid. She had already sold anything else of sentimental value!" I drove past and found a place where she would not easily spot my '62 red Corvair convertable and sat back to watch what she does next. She was already in the pawn shop when I got there so I would probably have to go in after she leaves to find out just what she was doing there.
Meanwhile Sharon and the rest of the Snoops got Mayor Sun's house all decked out in video equiptment. Shelly even set one up inside the fridge so that when the door opened and light went on the camera would start running. There were cameras from every angle of the kitchen and there is no way anyone is going to get into that Kelvinator without us viewing his fat cheeks from some kind of angle. Just as they sat down at the picnic table in Telly's back yard they saw the Van Scooter Boys speed into the driveway and come to a skidding halt.

"WaSUP!?" they called to us as they hopped out of their "31 Ford Coupe rail job "Still hangin' out, huh Snoop People?"
"Marian's porch is being painted, there's some decent shade here and Mayor Sun doesn't care if we sit out here all day if we want!" snapped Jimmy.
Jimmy had some animosity going with the Van Scooters ever since they teamed up with Terry Limestone and took Mamma's '57 Ford, rolled it and blamed it on Jimmy. Ever since that day Mamma just glares at Jimmy and calls him names. They were able to fix her Ford but according to Mamma the car hasn't been the same. They had talked her into painting it white so it would be like having a new car and when she got it back she was unhappy with the color. It just wasn't her! I guess she is right, black better suits her. So, she used her money for utility bills and had it painted black again. When the shut off notices would come she would just cry to our sister Patty and she would write her a check and cover it. If Patty refused, Mamma would write one of Patty's checks and forge it herself. One way or another, she would get the dough.
"Denny and Larry look like they've put on a few pounds, eh, Sis." Jimmy remarked to Sharon
Sharon nodded "Well they never have been very healthy eaters and they don't work enough to expend any calories."
"That's for damn sure!" agreed Shelly
"I ought to beat their asses!" frowned Kim.
Back in the shopping district I saw Mamma leave the pawn shop counting some cash. I waited until she left and went straight to the guy behind the counter at Mac Kane's pawn shop, flashed my PI badge and questioned him about his last transaction. He tuned his log book towards me and I jotted down all the transactions with Mamma's signature beside it. I thanked Mr. Kane and headed back to Telly's house with some interesting news for my fellow Snoops.

I wheeled into Telly's driveway and called to the other Snoops to meet me at my porch and bring the Snack Bandit reports. Everyone piled into Jimmy's jeep and followed me to my house. Our best cranial work is done on my porch, plus it is much more private.

"So what do you have?" asked Sharon, knowing I am not one to cry wolf

I explained to them that I had followed Mamma to Mac Kane's pawn shop and laid out the list of things she had pawned. We compared them to the Snack Bandit reports we got from Chief Samuels and sure enough, most of the things she had pawned were on the list of stolen items.

You're not thinking Mamma is the Snack Bandit, are you?" questioned Shelly in disbelief.
"Why else would she have these things?" Jimmy wondered aloud
"We ought to beat her ass!" added Kim.
"We have got to confront her on this RIGHT NOW!" Sharon exclaimed showing a look of shock on her face that OUR Mamma may be the infamous Snack Bandit. "Let's get her over here!"
"I'll call her and tell her we have a case we need her help on." I offered "You know she will avoid us if we try to contact her for some other reason."

Sure enough, Mamma showed up at my porch wearing her spy trench coat and ready for action. She climbed up onto my porch with the help of her cane and challenged us with "You still can't get anything done without your Mamma!" We got her a chair and began to lay out the Snack Bandit reports for her to see.

"What the hell kind of case is this?" she spat "There is no money to be made solving simple burglaries?"
"There is more to it, Mamma, check these out." I laid out the pawn shop records and watched as she compared them to the list of stolen items.
Mamma swung at me with her cane and Kim grabbed it just as it was about to hit me square on the head. "Sit down Mamma, you have some explaining to do." Kim told her

We interrogated her as to how she got all the stolen property and Mamma not being one to take the rap for anyone rolled over on the real Snack Bandit, Dave Kilgroom. She was his fence and would split the proceeds with him after she pawned them.

"Don't you think it is a bit risky pawning items in the same town where they are taken?" I asked
She gave us the look, settled back in her chair and replied "When the hell has our rinky dink rent-a-cop police force ever gotten off their butts and ever investigated a crime in this town? Did you really think they would bother checking Mac Kane's pawn shop?"
We all looked at each other and Jimmy was first to speak with "She has a point."
"How'd the hell did I know you piss ants were going to take such a shitty piddly ass case!" Mamma added.
"Well, it is like this, Mamma." Sharon directed her gaze right into Mamma's eyes. "You are going to jail unless we can find a way to get the prosecutor, Ron Nixon, to let you cop a plea in exchange for your testimony against Dave Kilgroom."
Manna averted her eyes from Sharon's icy gaze and rolled her tongue around her cheeks. It didn't take her long to agree to set up a sting so they could catch Dave Kilgroom with the goods. The case was about over, so it seemed.
We called Sid Samuels and set up an appointment to see him and Ron Nixon at the prosecutor's office. We then headed over to Telly's and told him we had a suspect in the case but we would still be leaving all the cameras there another night. Our Mamma was not well known for her honesty so we didn't want to leave a stone unturned. Plus, it still bothered us that the only thing missing from Telly's home each night has been food. The MO's just didn't match and when things do not match, Snoop Sisters are not happy campers.
We arrived at Nixon's office with Mamma leading the way and all of us blocking her retreat. She muttered under her breath as we shook hands with Sid and Ron. Sid just glared at Jimmy and didn't shake his hand. Back in the day Jimmy, then known as Weasel, and his gang terrorized this small town when Sid was still a patrolman. They would ring the church bells which would bring Sid out with lights and siren blaring only to find the church empty. While he was searching the church the box factory whistle would blow and he would rush over there to find that place empty. He was never able to complete a search due to the fact either the church bells or factory whistle would distract him. Weasel and his gang had him running like a rabbit. The coup de gras was the day they put Sid's patrol car up on blocks so when he tried to race to the scene of Weasel's next prank, the car just spun its wheels and went nowhere. It is no wonder this town never solves a crime, Mamma was right about that.
"Sid, " Sharon began "Ron, we have something to offer you on the Snack Bandit case and something to ask in return."
"Go on..." listened Ron
"We have the name of the Snack Bandit and a witness placing the stolen goods in his possession." explained Sharon "We are prepared to set up a sting and catch him red handed but we are asking some consideration for Mamma who unknowingly pawned the goods for him thinking he was cleaning out his storage facility."
Sid and Ron looked at Mamma, smiled, then looked back at us. Mamma sat there glaring at Jimmy in her usual fashion and acted like she was not at all interested in this meeting.
"That is understandable." agreed Ron "Your Mamma has been such an active member of our community that we would see no need to hit her with a receiving stolen property charge."
"Yeah, right!" I thought to myself then addressed Ron and Sid with our plan for the sting.
"Mamma is supposed to meet Dave Kilgroom to obtain last night's haul and run it to the pawn shop." explained Sharon. "All you have to do is set up on the exchange site and make the arrest when you see him present the goods. Mamma will agree to testify against Dave Kilgroom in exchange for immunity from prosecution."
The sting was set up and completed and everything went as planned. Sid felt like a real cop and Ron Nixon actually had a real case to prosecute. The usual dog bite and family dispute cases were getting to be quite boring for him.
Just as we were all patting ourselves on the back we got a call from Telly Sun. He had gone to the market, filled his fridge then went out back to read the paper at the picnic table. When he went in to grab a bite to eat nearly all his food was gone! We all raced over there immediately.
"This just cannot be!" I exclaimed
"We're about to open a can of whoop ass on someone!" warned Kim.
Luckily we did have the cameras working and immediately took the film to Shook's drug store to have it developed. "Put a rush on it!" ordered Shelly as we passed him the raw film. We then sat down at the counter to have some cherry and chocolate cokes and wait for the film.
After the film was developed we immediately sped back to Telly's, got into the Snoop kit, and set up a projector. To our surprise, the first film showed someone with an ample frame come out of the bathroom as Dyno stood there wagging his tail. The subject reached down and patted the dog and gave him a tidbit. He then proceeded directly to the fridge with the burlap sack he was carrying.
"Can you see who it is" I asked quietly.
"That body looks familiar." answered Sharon.
"Wait, the Fridge cam is going to get his face." Shelly reminded us
The perp opened the door and it was none other than Denny Van Scooter!
"I knew that fat ass lazy no account car tipper was up to no good! screamed Jimmy bashing his fist into the wall.
We all ran into the bathroom and searched until we found a trap door leading into the ceiling and up to the Van Scooter Boy's apartment.
Another case solved!